That's No Lady!
by DoraCatBuu
Summary: After four years without his best friend forever, Matt wants to go and find Mello. With Near and Linda's help, he comes up with an interesting way to get into the mafia and find his beloved partner. But will this reunion be the happy one Matt wants?


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note. I don't know who does, but it's not me. Rod Ross wanted me dead, but I'm too awesome for the mafia to kill.

It was a boring day as Matt sat in what was once his old room at Wammy's. It'd been two years since he decided he was smart enough to try and make it on his own, two years since he decided he hated sharing a place with a bunch of little brats. Now, he was visiting simply because he had nothing else to do. He'd already made a nice profit programming for a few companies, but work was hard to find in the winter. Feeling that he missed Roger, he had come for a visit. And now, he regretted it. There was absolutely nothing to do unless he wanted to go outside and play with a bunch of kids, and he knew he wouldn't be doing that. Mail Jeevas hated the outdoors and anything that even remotely pointed him to it.

"If Mello hadn't left me for who-knows-where, I'd have _plenty_ to do," Matt commented simply, tapping his fingers against the windowsill, as he stared out into the yard, where some of the kids were playing, "But no, he's not here, and chances are he never will be." Matt sighed. It'd also been nearly four years since he even saw Mello, who he had thought was his best friend. The only communication they had were a few emails on holidays and birthdays. To make it worse, Matt hadn't heard from Mello since last Christmas. Big surprise, though. Mello wasn't good with keeping friendships, and Matt's had been most prominent in his life. Matt's fists clenched as he mumbled, "Stupid idiot..."

"Matt?" came a calm voice behind him. Matt turned around, wondering who here would actually know or remember him, and his eyes widened when he saw that Linda was standing by the doorway, her sketchbook in her hand as a pencil dangled from an outstretched finger.

"Hey, Linda," he sighed, turning back to the sill, "I didn't realize you still lived here."

"I don't. I'm visiting," she replied, walking over and standing next to him as she set her pad down, "It's been a while. Are you okay?" She glanced over, and saw how thin Matt's lips were. That normally meant something was bothering him, and she had a feeling he wouldn't tell her unless she coaxed it out of him. Which wouldn't be hard; only a few things ever made Matt tense. Quietly, she asked, "Is it about Mello?" She quickly learned that was a bad thing to ask. Matt angrily pounded on the sill, and Linda was worried he'd break it off if she didn't stop him. As she grabbed his arm, she felt him shaking, but whether it was from rage or sadness, she couldn't be sure of... yet.

"That asshole doesn't even tell me where the hell he lives!" Matt growled angrily, seeming to not notice that Linda was trying to restrain him, "I'm his _best friend for life_ and he doesn't tell me shit about anything! How can he call himself a friend when he doesn't even drop by to say 'Gee, Matt, I missed you!' or 'Do you want some damn coffee!?" Linda's skin paled, and worried for her health, she backed away from Matt slowly as he scowled furiously at the sky, wishing he could just blow the sun apart with one of his bombs. Furiously, he screamed, "_FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MELLO, I WANT SOME DAMN COFFEE!_" Linda blinked, having absolutely no idea what she should do. Matt would go bonkers if something wasn't done. So, she suggested the one thing she thought was logical.

"Why don't you go and visit him?" she asked, "Doesn't he live in Los Angeles?" Matt turned to glare at her, and then stopped himself. Technically, she had a point. There really _wasn't_ anything stopping him from going to Los Angeles. But visiting Mello was an entirely different story. Not only was Matt sure the address Mello _did_ give wouldn't work, Mello was also in the _mafia_, and everyone in Wammy's House _knew_ they didn't let just any old bum on the street strut inside their turf. His shoulders slumped.

"He works for the mafia..." he said sadly, sulking as he slid to the floor, "I don't even know where, either. He could've moved." Linda patted his shoulder, not quite sure what else she could suggest. She just didn't know how the mafia actually worked. But, she knew someone who probably would. The boy _she_ had in mind was so smart, so wise, so incredibly _educated_, that she was sure he could help Matt _and_ track Mello down in three seconds. She smiled.

"Matt, wait here! I'm going to find someone who can help you!" she replied, and ran to the doorway. At first, Matt simply waved her away, but then he realized what she said. She was about to drag someone else into his problems. Blinking, Matt scrambled off the floor, hoping to stop Linda, but the girl was already running down the hall when he finally reached the doorway. He cursed angrily, wishing he had just lied to her instead of blowing his top.

"Linda, who the hell are you running to!?" he called warily, and her answer, if it even was one, sent a ripple of disbelief up Matt's spine as her voice echoed throughout the second floor.

"_NEEEEEEAR! Where are you!?_" Linda had called, "_Matt needs help!_" Matt's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Near! Of _anyone_ in the world, _any_ of the _six billion people_ inhabiting their world, Linda _had_ to pick _Near!_ Mello's _worst rival!_ Just the mere mention made Matt twitch. If Linda hadn't been such a good friend in the past, he'd have shot her when he found her again. But for now, there was nothing he could do. She had already gotten away when he ran to the door. Narrowing his eyes, Matt sat on what had once been his bed, waiting for Linda and Near to come back. Luckily, he didn't need to wait long. Linda came back with Near maybe five minutes later; Near looked pretty annoyed that she had dragged him away from something, and Matt could only guess as to what. He sighed when Linda let go of Near, who fell to the ground, glaring up at her.

"Tell him what you told me!" she said sternly, brows creasing. Near blinked, and Matt could tell he didn't know if he should consider Linda seriously or not. He stared at her for just a minute longer, and then looked over at Matt flatly.

"Tell me again why I am helping you," he demanded calmly, his voice grating slightly on Matt's already-thin nerves, "You aren't really my friend, Matt. We have never played together, we don't email each other, you don't call me. Why am I helping you?" How was Matt to even answer that? Wasn't Linda the one who went and got Near? It was clear that even though her intentions were good, this wouldn't work out well by any means.

"Hey, this was Linda's idea," Matt said simply, shrugging, "I'm fine to just sit here and drown this out with some games." Near continued to stare at Matt critically, and Linda smacked him with her sketchbook, almost causing the red-head to fall off the bed.

"No! No, Matt, this is an intervention!" she exclaimed, and turned to Near, "We need to help Matt get into the mafia, Near! You're the smartest one here! You _have_ to know how to sneak him in, right!?" Near hummed gently, considering Linda's words. He didn't particularly care much for Matt, but he didn't want to make Linda cry, either. And he knew she would, if only to make one of them feel bad. He stood up and sat on the bed next to Matt.

"Linda, I am supposed to be fighting for _justice_, not for _breaking and entering_. The two are a conflict of interest, yes?" he asked her, and it was clear she was getting frustrated.

"Oh, come on! Near, you can do that when you go to New York!" she cried, and grabbed his hand, "You still live here! Can't you help us just once?" Her eyes widened, and tears threatened to well up as she asked, "Please?" Near frowned slightly. He didn't like what Linda was doing, but damn it, she looked endearing when she did that. He gave in and nodded, though he pulled his hand away carefully.

"All right. I'll help you," he said calmly, and Linda practically beamed, "But be aware that I'm not responsible if one of you... possibly _you_, Matt... gets caught, understood?" Matt just grumbled, and Linda nodded, settling herself on the floor next to Near. For a moment, he said nothing as he thought about just what to do to find Mello. Linda had told him whatever she knew, and that wasn't much, but Near knew enough. He knew Mello well enough to know that whatever Matt would do wouldn't work on him, but that ultimately didn't matter. It just had to work on whoever Mello _worked for_. Taking a deep breath, Near continued, "They don't let just anyone inside, but this is easy enough to see without my telling you. What we need is a disguise." Linda perked a brow.

"Why can't he sneak in through the sewers? Or the roof?" she asked, looking up at Near. He frowned again.

"Because security is going to be tough to sneak through," Near replied, "If we can fool them, rather than force Matt's way in... yes, I think that would be a better method." Linda nodded, but didn't know what disguise would be suitable for something like this. Matt had suggested a plumber, an electrician, a pizza boy, and even the president of the United States, and Near had rejected them all. The first three was because that would be the most obvious thing to try, and the last because it was impersonation, which would land all three of them in prison if Matt messed up and led the trail back to Linda and Near. Unfortunately, Near wasn't offering anything helpful in return. Matt was ready to throw him out when Linda finally stood up, snapping her fingers.

"What if he disguises himself as a girl?" she suggested, and Matt stared at her in bewilderment. Of all the suggestions he could've come up with on his own, that was one he'd never think of. At first, both he and Near opened their mouths to protest, but then they considered it. If the girl was beautiful enough, they'd probably let her in without much of a problem. But the only obstacle was that Matt was male, and _nothing_ would physically change that. Matt hung his head, ready to toss the idea, but Near wasn't ready to let Linda down just yet. He smiled, something neither Linda nor Matt were used to seeing.

"Linda, I believe you've given us the best possibility of succeeding," he said brightly, and though Linda seemed absolutely thrilled, Matt was beginning to worry about what he was getting into, "Yes... it's a good idea. If we can make Matt physically pleasing to most of the men Mello works for, he can get inside and look for him." Near tapped his chin, looking up at the ceiling as he considered what could foil their plan, "Of course, there's the likelihood that we'll do too good a job and many of them will actually try to make a move on Matt, but..."

"Whoa, wait a damn minute, Near!" Matt exclaimed, jumping up as his goggles fell off his face, "No! No way! I'm not doing this!" Near gave him a blank stare, neither blinking nor saying anything, and Linda just frowned, laying her sketchbook on the floor. She thought she had a winning idea.

"Why not?" she asked, trying not to let her disappointment show. Matt just gave her an incredulous look, wondering why _she_ couldn't see the obvious problems that were quickly arising.

"_I'M NOT GAY!_" he finally screamed, loud enough to warrant more than half the children in the house to poke their heads from out of their bedroom doorways, wondering just what Matt could've been talking about, "I'm not going to any stupid hideout where _men_ could fall _in love_ with me! I don't care _HOW_ much anyone's willing to pay me! I'm not doing this!" He turned away and crossed his arms over his chest, unwilling to even listen to anything Linda might try to argue with. She stood up, trying to formulate some form of tactic to make Matt reconsider, but right as she stepped forward, Near took her wrist and shook his head. Slowly, he rose off of the bed, and Linda simply watched as he walked up to Matt, his expression still empty. Whatever he was planning, Linda had absolute confidence that it'd work.

"Not even if it means reuniting with your best friend?" Near asked, and tilted his head, "Matt, I never knew you were so cold-hearted." Matt's mouth dropped open at that accusation. Near, who had never had a friend in his _life_, was going to _accuse_ Matt of being disloyal because he didn't want a bunch of men to _fall in love with him_!? Matt was starting to see why Mello hated Near so much. He was blunt to the point of being really unhelpful. And if that wasn't bad enough, when Matt turned to try to get Linda to help him, he saw her raise an amused eyebrow and cross her own arms; it was clear she was on Near's side. Matt sighed. There was no winning, especially if two _geniuses_ were going to double-team him. No matter how smart he himself was, he couldn't beat Near and Linda combined, and he doubted either would turn against the other. They both seemed to be liking Linda's idea more and more.

"Fine... fine... we can do this," he said in mock surrender, "Just don't make me look like a freak, okay?" Near smiled again and turned to Linda. He didn't need to ask for her help; she was already nodding and picking up her book before she ran toward the door. She stopped, and turned back just once, a beautiful smile on her face.

"Near, sit Matt down! Tie him to a chair if you need to. I'll be _right_ back!" And with that, she was gone.

Matt didn't exactly know what a bad idea could consist of, but when Near and Linda were done with whatever they planned to do, he had a feeling that what they did was it. Linda had come back with a suitcase full of things he couldn't see, mainly because Near had strapped him into a chair so he wouldn't run away. Then, both he and Linda took some of the makeup she had brought in the suitcase and began applying it to Matt; thankfully, Linda did the lipstick and blush as Near worked on his eyeliner. The tradeoff was that he refused to have his nails painted, much to Linda's dismay. Then came picking out a dress. That was the most difficult part, mainly because Matt didn't _want_ to wear a dress. He wanted to stay in his normal clothes, but Linda had stressed that they were too manly for a girl, and unfortunately for him, Near agreed with her. Linda had picked out a particularly hideous, polka-dot sleeveless dress for him to wear, and the only thing that made it better was that Near had suggested an even uglier green dress that was covered with lace and frills. Matt had finally decided on a dark crimson dress that came down to just about his knees; he remedied the problem with wearing a pair of black stockings, along with his boots. Then came his hair. There wasn't much they could do to style it, so in the end, Linda simply managed to make two tiny pigtails on top of his head, while they left the rest of his hair alone. He sat there, staring at himself in the mirror.

"...Think they'll notice?" Matt asked, raising a concerned brow as he beheld himself, "I mean, _I'm_ not entirely convinced." Linda swore he looked like the prettiest girl she'd ever seen, but Near just snorted and turned away. And, even though he didn't like Near, Matt trusted the boy's judgment more than Linda's. He liked Linda, but most of her ideas usually made a fool out of him... or Near... or even Mello.

"Trust me, Matt! No one will suspect a thing!" Linda promised, "Even _Mello_ will fall in love with you!" Unfortunately, that was what Matt wanted to avoid. Near's snort grew more apparent. For once, he didn't mind showing Matt that he was _laughing at him_. If he weren't... well, _Near_, Matt would've beaten the shit out of him. Finally, he composed himself. There'd be time later to laugh at Matt. Hopefully, Linda would still be with him. He took a deep breath, resumed his normally empty expression, and then walked to the door.

"Enough convincing," he stated, "Either you believe it or you don't. Let's go. Your plane leaves soon." Matt wasn't so sure he was ready to go.

The ride to the airport had been nice. It had been relaxing. No one was staring at him. Now, inside the airport, _everyone_ was staring at him. His eye twitched under his goggles as he watched them as they walked. Everyone looked his way, and he couldn't help but feel like they were all wondering just what he was supposed to be. He _knew_ his body was in no way feminine. It wasn't muscular, but it wasn't feminine, either. He wished Linda had agreed to find Mello instead. Never mind that Mello would've wondered why she was following him. Matt wouldn't be dealing with this if she went. He'd be at Wammy's, sitting in his room, and playing Pokemon to train his Skitty. He'd be living his life the way he wanted. Silently, he cursed at Mello. Once again, the blonde was _ruining his fun_ because he _wasn't in Matt's life_. Never mind that it technically wasn't Mello's fault. He was still somehow ruining Matt's life.

"Matt, here's your ticket," he heard Linda say to him, as they reached a gate. Near glared warningly at her, and she said, "I'm sorry! I mean _Mattina_!" Matt growled as he took the ticket from her. Of all the nicknames they had come up with to use as an alias, that was the one he hated most. Which was probably why Near picked it. It was just similar enough for Mello to make a connection. Matt personally didn't think Mello was dumb enough to need any help figuring out who he was; he was easily going to be one of the most unattractive women in the mafia. It sent shivers up his spine as he got in line for his plane. When he reached the gate, he turned to look at his would-be friends. Linda waved cheerfully at him, but Near looked absolutely smug. Matt twitched again. He made a mental note to tell Mello that this plan, if it failed, was entirely Near's fault. He turned around again and entered the plane, handing the attendant his ticket and taking a seat. Not a minute later, and the plane had taken off. Matt watched as Linda ran out and waved from far below, with Near just grinning _right_ behind her. Such a smug, little bastard, Near was.

The plane ride had been amazingly long. Matt was glad that, by the time twenty hours had gone by, he brought his DS with him. He spent two hours training his beloved Skitty before the plane _finally_ began to descend. And when he got off the plane, he was amazed. Los Angeles, from what he saw just outside of the airport, was beautiful. There was a beach in the distance, which he told himself he had to check out before he left. There were skyscrapers going down one road. Hell, there was _sunlight_, something that Wammy's lacked. Matt just smiled. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so miserable, after all. Except that, he had no idea where to even begin looking for Mello. And when he took out his cell phone, he saw the batteries had died. And he hadn't packed his charger, either. He hadn't packed much of anything, save for his DS and a pack of cigarettes. He sighed. If he had any hopes, it lay in a payphone. Thankfully, there was one close by. Matt ran to it, shoving the old man that was there out of it. He picked up the phone and put in one quarter, calling Near up.

"Hello?" came Near's unnaturally annoying voice.

"Near! Thank god you answered! Look, dude, I forgot to pack my charger, and I don't know where Mello is. Did you find an address?" Matt asked. For a moment, silence fell through the phone. Matt wondered if Near had even heard him. Then he heard what sounded like snickering. Near was _laughing at him AGAIN_.

"You were under the assumption that I'd look," Near replied, amusement clear in his voice, "I did not say I'd help you _find_ Mello. I merely said I'd make it possible for you to _not get caught_. Therefore, I am under no obligation to look." Near was lucky Matt wasn't with him then. Matt growled and slammed the receiver off. Then he dug around his pockets for another quarter. He managed to find just one. Taking a deep breath, and praying Mello's number still worked, he put the coin in and dialed. It rang. And rang. And kept ringing until Matt was sure his plan failed. He was about to hang up when a very deep, gruff voice answered.

"Speak, maggot. This is Rod Ross," Matt's eyes widened, and he shivered uncontrollably. Mello had mentioned Rod Ross once. And Matt didn't want to experience first-hand how this guy dealt with 'problems.' His mind raced, trying to figure out how to handle this, until he remembered one thing: he was supposed to be a woman. And he knew a profession that wouldn't be refused. As much as it caused him to want to gag, he had to appeal to Rod if he wanted to find Mello. Or just live in general.

"Y-yes... I'm... uhhhh... Rose from your escort service," Matt lied, trying to make his voice much higher than it wanted to be, "We got a new girl in and we were wondering, since you're our best customer, if you wanted her for the night!" Matt prayed Rod Ross would believe him, even though he knew he didn't sound the least bit womanly. But to his surprise, he actually had Rod interested.

"Oh, you did, did you?" Rod asked, and Matt didn't even need to see to know he was grinning, "Fine. Send 'er over. I got a boy here who might like to meet her." Matt had to think fast. That boy might very well be Mello!

"Great! I'll need directions, though," Matt said, hoping Rod would give them. Rod didn't.

"...you know where we're at," he growled. Matt paled, and took another deep breath. Then, he summoned all the sassiness he had. If he wanted to deal with this man, he'd have to become that which obviously appealed most. He sighed with annoyance.

"But my girl _doesn't_," he said haughtily, sighing again, "Look, Ross, give me those directions or you don't get the girl." That was enough to convince Rod. With directions written on his hand, Matt left the phone booth and went to find a taxi that'd take him downtown. There was but one, and it drove him through the city at an amazingly fast speed. Despite his gaming skills, despite his ability to drive like a complete _madman_, Matt could never compete with _this_ insane driver! He weaved through cars, drove through yards, drove on the sidewalk, and even drove over a walkway just to get to his destination. And because Matt had no money to pay for the fare, he simply took out a smoke bomb and bombed the taxi with it, escaping into the evening. He didn't even look back as the poor cabbie screamed, unable to figure out just how and why his car exploded into a burst of furious fire.

It hadn't taken too long to get to where he needed to go. Matt found he was amazingly good with directions, something he solely credited to the many years he spent playing Final Fantasy, where a good sense of direction was needed if he ever wanted to beat any of the games. But what he also found was that there were _many_ gangs like the one Mello was in; even though he was in the right part of LA, he had no idea which gang would hold his best friend forever. Three times he was informed that no one named Mello worked there, and twice he was told that if there _was_ a man named Mello, he'd be shot for having such a stupid name. By the sixth gang, who seemed to think he was a drunk, Matt had gotten to the point of giving up. He sat on a crate behind a warehouse, and took out his DS, straightening his skirt so it didn't show anything.

"Man, this is so stupid!" he exclaimed, turning his game on, "Why the hell did I let Linda help me? It's not like I'm any closer to finding him, anyway! Is there even a point to being here? No! And I want this damn dress off!" Matt hopped off the crate, lifting a corner of his skirt and considering ripping it off right there. Never mind that he'd be in stockings and a pair of boxers. Never mind that he'd have to search for Mello, half-naked. Mail Jeevas did _not_ like wearing dresses. But just as he was about to whip his dress off, he heard something from the warehouse behind him. Blinking, he crept closer, putting his DS back inside his dress.

"But boss, why does _Mello_ get this new girl!?" a man was whining, as many murmured their agreement, "_Mello_ has never shown any interest in those girls! _Mello_ always keeps to himself. _Mello_ doesn't do anything but sit on _Mello's_ ass and eat his goddamn _CHOCOLATE_! Why does _he_ get himself a girl when _I_ nearly took a bullet in my eyeball!?" Matt felt it was unhealthy that one complaint should have the word 'Mello' in it so many times, but he wasn't about to complain. Unless there were forty billion Mellos in LA, he was pretty sure that he just found where his most beloved companion was. He grinned. Now all that was left was to get inside. Lips pursed, he used a broken mirror someone had trashed to make sure he looked enough like a girl to get in. He did. He took a deep breath and walked to the front of the building, knocking on the door. There was silence. Matt waited anxiously until the door was thrown open. There stood a large, bald man with a huge jaw, decked in a purple suit. He leered down at Matt.

"What do _you_ want, sweetheart?" he asked. Matt's skin paled immediately. He was quickly forgetting the reason why he was there. He just wanted to run away then. But the thought of seeing Mello kept him from screaming like the schoolgirl he was pretending to be. He'd have to wing it, and he was an expert at that. Except that his teeth were chattering. And he was ready to shit himself, too. If he didn't do this right, his fear would give him away, if his expression hadn't already.

"Uhh... I'm looking for Rod Ross?" he asked, hoping beyond hope that Rod wouldn't think too long on his voice. Rod peered down at Matt again, at first looking as though he had no idea why anyone _outside_ would be looking for him. Then he remembered he got a call from 'Rose.' Matt must've been the new girl 'she' sent over. Rod Ross grinned. And it was that grin that scared Matt even further.

"Oh, right, right! You're that new girl Rose sent for us," Rod replied, and stepped aside to let Matt in, "Come on, inside before you freeze your ass off." Matt didn't complain as he stepped into the nice, warm warehouse. The interior looked much more well-kempt than he'd have thought as he walked into a large living area. Many men sat in the many couches and chairs set about, but there was no sign of Mello anywhere. Rod patted Matt's shoulder and addressed the group at large, "Listen up, assholes. This here's our newest girl, so let's make sure she's comfy here. Now... uh... what was your name, sweetheart?" Matt's skin paled as he blinked profusely. In the frenzy of finding Mello, he had completely forgotten what Linda had called him. His mind raced frantically, and then, he had it. He smiled with as much charm as he could.

"Mattina!" he exclaimed lightly, "I'm Mattina Jeevisa! It's nice to meet you all!" He giggled just a little too much, and he saw Rod Ross flinch with such a high pitch. But obviously, no one else was bothered by it. One tall man, in a dashing suit, with blonde hair, stood up. If he wasn't so many years older, Matt would've sworn it was Mello. He held out his hand and grinned.

"I'm Zakk. Want to go have some coffee with me, babe?" he asked. Inwardly, Matt wanted to throw up, but he forced himself to giggle again. Rod grunted in disapproval and shoved Zakk away as he led Matt through to a stairway.

"Never mind these asscracks," Rod growled, glaring at his men sideways, "Anyway, the boy we had in mind is upstairs in his room. Now, he's a bit moody and he's prone to shooting shit that bugs him, but once he sees a pretty girl like you, he'll probably keel over and die. And while we don't want that, I want him paired up." Matt couldn't understand why Rod would want such a thing, but he didn't dare question. Not only did Rod just give a roughly accurate description of how Mello acted, Rod looked like he was used to cracking skulls open for fun. And Matt loved his skull too much to risk letting Rod find a reason to get it. He nodded and began up the stairs, until Rod stopped him and said, "Where do you think you's going, Mattina?" Matt looked at him, raising a questioning brow as he pointed up the steps.

"To find Mello?" he answered. Rod just stared. He didn't know _how_ Matt knew Mello's name, especially when he didn't even mention Mello at all. He looked at Matt suspiciously, his large jaw set firmly as he crossed his arms.

"How do _you_ know Mello?" the big man asked, and then gasped, "Are you his girlfriend!? Does my boy have a girl already!?"

"No! Nothing like that!" Matt said quickly, "I... uh..." His eyes fell on a magazine that one of the men happened to be reading, and said, "I heard about him in Mafia Monthly! He's one of the most badass hitmen in the world right now!" He wasn't so sure even an idiot like Rod Ross would believe that, but the big man just shrugged.

"I thought we told them idiots we didn't want to be published in their magazine," he grumbled, and then looked at Matt again, who had begun to sneak up the stairs, "Whoa, Mattina! Don'cha want any coffee before you just go upstairs!?" Matt froze. There was something to Rod's voice that said clearly, he didn't expect Matt to disagree with him. But Matt _really_ wanted to find Mello! Slowly, he turned and tried to give Rod a dazzling smile. He was sure it wasn't working.

"N-no! I'm fine!" he squeaked nervously, and cursed himself for being so damn scared, "I... uh... I do get paid by the minute! You know that!" Unfortunately, the mafia didn't feel being overcharged was a problem. One man came forward, eyes wide and lips quivering like a child. He held out a cup invitingly.

"But it's triple mocha-cappuccino!" he exclaimed, "I made it myself! For Mello, even!" Matt's grin began to fade as he looked at the coffee. It looks like warm water, and smelled like it, too. But he liked living. He took the cup, and took a sip. It _was_ warm water. It wasn't a wonder that Mello hadn't come down to drink it. Matt swallowed hard, and then gave the guy a thumbs-up. He nodded vigorously, and took to offering cups of warm water to everyone else. Rod grinned and nodded, saying it was okay for Matt to go upstairs now. Matt did so, thinking this was entirely too easy to do. Something had to be up, but he just didn't know what yet. The second floor was quiet, the sound of the men downstairs having faded rapidly. But now Matt faced another problem: actually _finding_ Mello's room. Rod never said which room Mello was in. Lips pursed, Matt walked to the closest door and peeked inside. He saw one man in a roller disco suit.

"Midnight creeps so slowly into the hearts of men," he sang, "Who need more than they geeeeet! Daylight deals a bad man to a woman, who had laid too many beeeeeets! The mirror stares you in the face and says, 'Baby, uh, uh, it don't work!" Matt's nose wrinkled. He didn't know what was scarier: that this man was singing a 70s song, or that Matt happened to recognize it. He went to sneak back out, but the man spun around and saw him. He stopped and said, "Hey, what do _you_ want!? You lookin' for work, babe?" Matt felt his eye twitch, and he was glad he still wore his goggles. He _wanted_ to run, but he didn't know how fast he'd be in a skirt. So, he refrained.

"Uh... no! I'm looking for a man named Mello," he replied, and thought better to be clueless, "Are you him?" The man blushed. Clearly, being mistaken for Mello was a compliment. He shook his head.

"Not me, babe," he replied, and brightened as he added, "I could pretend to be, though! I got a wig and everything!" Matt just left at that point. The thought of _anyone_ trying to look like his _best friend for life_ was a scary thought. Mainly because no one would've been able to pull it off. He wished the man told him which room was Mello's, but he figured he'd find it sooner or later. He walked down the hall a little more, and went to the next door. Inside, the man was snoring. Matt left him alone and moved on. There wasn't much more to go before he reached the end of the hallway; just two more rooms left before he'd have to start looking the other way. He was about to open a door when another man walked out, raising a particularly confused brow as he stared down at Matt. Obviously, he was wondering why a woman would be going into a men's bathroom.

"Uh... may I help you?" the man asked, slightly amused to see Matt. Especially since Matt looked absolutely horrified. Matt stumbled back, face streaked with crimson. There really was no reason for it, but Matt found himself utterly humiliated by nearly walking into the bathroom like that. He swallowed hard, shivering at what he might've walked in on.

"I'm looking for Mello," Matt said slowly, "Are you him?" The man blinked, as though he hadn't heard Matt at first. Then, he shook his head and pointed to the last door, a flat expression right across his face. He wasn't trying hard to hide that Matt was already annoying him. And Matt technically hadn't done anything yet.

"No. That lousy asshole's in his room, eating a shitload of Hershey's," the man replied, and shook his head, turning to walk away, "You have any idea how much it cost us to buy out the entire company for him!? I tell you, Rod spoils the crap out of him! And does he even _do_ anything!? No! I just want to shoot his ugly face off for it, too!" Matt watched speechlessly as the man stormed away, still ranting about how much he hated Mello, and wished that the orphanage Mello had grown up in was set aflame years ago. Then, Matt shrugged. A lot of people seemed to hate his _most trusted compadre_, and no one had yet to succeed in killing him. Walking just ten feet further, Matt finally reached the last door. He could feel the grin forming on his face. Right there, right then, he'd be reunited with the one person he loved _the most_ in the _entire universe_. He could only imagine the look of sheer ecstasy on Mello's face at seeing him, after four long years, and it was all he could do _not_ to open the door and just tackle the man over. He couldn't help himself. He threw the door open, barely wincing as it crashed right into the wall.

"_MELLO!_" he exclaimed, and looked around the room, "...Mello?" He walked into the room, and it appeared to be empty. And dim. The walls were a dark red, and the bed looked sinister in the corner, covered almost completely in shadow. Matt shivered again. This couldn't possibly have been Mello's room. He tried to find a light switch, but it was just too dark. He turned to walk out, and the door slammed shut, making Matt jump as he turned around yet again to face the bed. Cautiously, he asked, "Hello? Anyone even here?" This time, the chair creaked in response. Matt turned toward the far wall, where a fire burned warmly in the fireplace. One chair, turned toward the fire, sat there.

"What the hell is it?" came Mello's voice. The chair turned, and Matt saw Mello sitting _right there_. Finally, he found his beloved partner. Except that Mello looked pissed off, "I'm busy. Make this quick." Matt's eyes watered. Didn't Mello recognize him!? This disguise was supposed to fool _Rod Ross_. It was supposed to be similar enough for Mello to make a connection. Mello _had_ to be playing along! Matt just grinned and shrugged. So be it. He'd play, too.

"Oh, hi! I'm the girl Rod ordered for you!" Matt said in a high-pitched voice, and giggled, "My name's Mattina!" Obviously, though, Mello didn't feel like playing along. He gave Matt a very flat stare, tapping on the arm of his chair impatiently.

"Hi, _Matt_," Mello replied, and Matt reeled back, clearly shocked. He didn't like not tackling his _best friend for eternity_ over, but if Mello was going to be an ass about it, he was going to be one, too.

"No, I'm Mattina!" he declared in that same, annoying voice, "See, I'm wearing a cute dress and everything! I even have the frilly undies and..."

"Matt, cut the crap and shut your mouth!" Mello hissed, getting out of his seat, "You have _any_ idea what those assholes will do if they find out you're not a woman!? They'll murder you! And then they'll murder me! And, most important, they'll murder _me_. So shut up and don't talk." Matt paled a bit, but they both crouched low to the ground to listen. If anyone down there heard them, they'd know it soon. No one said a thing about them, or called up to Mello. That was good. A moment of silence passed before Matt looked up at Mello, eyes sparkling with tears as he beheld his _long-lost soul mate_.

"So... you remembered me?" Matt whispered, clear admiration in his voice, "You remembered, Mel?" Mello sighed, shaking his head in frustration. Of all the time to see Matt, this had to be it. During his plan to abuse the mafia.

"Of course I remember you! Now shut up!" Mello hissed back, and then softened when he heard Matt sniffle a bit. Perhaps he _was_ being a bit harsh. But this was dangerous. Matt could've been killed. In fact, Mello wanted to know just how Matt actually managed to get past Rod with such a stupid disguise. Anyone who knew Matt would've recognized him. It made Mello wonder just who actually put his _best friend forever_ up to this; Matt wouldn't have done this on his own. Mello bit his lip and said, "Look, I'm happy you're here, but Matt... this is bad. You know you could die, right?"

"Well, yeah, but I figured you were more important," Matt replied, and his grin began to return, "Besides, what the hell do _I_ do all day? I _play video games and make bombs and shit_. Nothing important. Besides, this is much more fun than Pokemon Titanium." Mello growled under his breath. He couldn't see the _fun_ in being in the mafia unless the _fun_ was in _funerals_. And there were a lot of those in Mello's gang. He decided not to comment, though, for he was trying to see if anyone downstairs had caught suspicion about Matt. But if anyone did, they weren't speaking loud enough. Minutes passed again, and finally, Mello stood up and walked to his bed. Matt joined him, and Mello found himself twitching as he watched Matt straighten his skirt. Matt shouldn't even _be_ in a skirt.

"Matt, who the hell suggested this to you, anyway?" he asked, taking out a chocolate bar and biting half of it off, "What actually made you pick _this_ sorry piece of shit for a disguise?" Matt's brows creased and he straightened another edge indignantly.

"Hey, I happened to be growing _fond_ of this disguise!" Matt replied defensively, and grinned, "Besides, Linda and Near helped me out! I told them about how I missed you and wanted to bomb your brains out for leaving me, and they practically _begged_ to help me out!" Mello's eyes widened in sheer horror. Not only was Matt _lying_, he actually went to _Near_ for help! Near! Mello _hated_ Near, and now he hated that the boy even interacted with Matt! If only he'd had a pistol when he was fourteen! If only Roger wasn't there to confiscate it! Near would never even be a problem anymore! Mello just _couldn't_ believe that Near _helped his best friend through time!_

"Near!? You went to fucking _NEAR_ for help!? Why!?" Mello demanded in disbelief, "Linda, I kind of understand. She was okay, but NEAR! Matt, seriously, what the fuck were you even thinking!?" Matt's lips thinned. How could he explain that the only thing he thought of was Mello? Not that Mello would believe him, but he had to say something. And damn it, that was the truth. He didn't care who helped him, so long as he found his friend. And he had found Mello.

"I was thinking that, after I found you, we could go back to how things used to be. You know, being partners in crime again," Matt replied with another sniffle, "Besides, now we can actually kill Near. I'll bomb Wammy's with a smoke bomb, and you do the shooting! See? We're already working like a team!" Mello's eyes narrowed. That plan actually sounded promising, but he still had obligations here; namely, getting through the mafia alive. And now he had to get Matt out, too. He let out a sigh, putting his candy on his nightstand and patting Matt's shoulder.

"As much as I want that, amigo, it can't happen," he started, "I have to go through my plans. There's no getting out for me here, buddy." Matt frowned. That was one answer he had never considered. He had assumed Mello would be just as happy to see him, as he was to see Mello. Now he knew that clearly wasn't the entire case. He took off his goggles, looking at Mello squarely in the eyes. For a moment, their gazes were locked on each other. It was like some deep understanding between them; even though they didn't speak, they knew exactly what the other was thinking. Instinctively, Mello leaned over and hugged Matt, patting his back as he said, "I'm sorry, Matt."

"Why can't I stay and help you out?" Matt asked him, as they let go, "Seriously, dude, I'm a hacker. I can help you break into banks and stuff. The mafia would love me!" But Mello obviously didn't agree. He shook his head, crossing his arms.

"I'm not risking spilling your blood in my business, my friend," he replied seriously, "Matt... this isn't a game. If you died, I could never get you back. I know I'm a hardass, but I actually like you. I don't want you dead. Who else could I celebrate with once I actually kick Near's ass? Linda?" Matt nodded slowly, snickering, and Mello snorted as he said, "Oh please. She's completely on Near's side in this. She'd be crying about how she wasn't loyal enough to him. No, Matt. I want _you_ to be there to share the victory when _we_ catch Kira. So, that means staying away for now and letting me handle this solo." Matt sighed, looking down. He didn't _want_ to do that, but he saw Mello's point. Mello really was just trying to protect him. He nodded again, looking up and smiling. Mello's plans always went right. There was no reason to argue unless Matt wanted it to end with a chocolate bar shoved down his throat. And he didn't. He stood up.

"Yeah... you're right. I'll go back to Wammy's for now and annoy the shit out of Near for you until his visit's over," Matt stated, and Mello grinned in approval, "But first, how do I get out of here? They're going to want to know why I stayed for so little." But Mello wasn't overly concerned with that, for his grin simply widened. Matt blinked, wondering just what Mello found so amusing, and the blonde boy got off the bed, walking to a part of the wall that now seemed to be outlined in the shape of a door. In the dim, Matt hadn't noticed it, but Mello had turned the lights on, and now he saw that there _was_ a door.

"There's a back door in my room that leads to a part of the building no one uses," Mello replied, "I'm going to get you out through there. Come on, before they..." Mello didn't finish before the door to his room opened up. He cursed. Rod Ross, and a few other men, stepped inside and looked around. Matt quickly threw his goggles back on; he couldn't let them see that clearly, he was male. But it was too late. Rod saw Mello's hand on the doorknob of the back door. He knew what was coming. He took out a gun.

"I came up here 'cause I didn't hear any shit from your room, Mello," he said gruffly, "I wanted to make sure you didn't murder the girl here. And what do I find? You's gonna run away with her, through the back door." Matt swallowed hard, but he could see Mello was doing his best to remain calm. He removed his hand from the knob, a small smile on his face. It didn't work; Rod Ross could smell fear. Mello normally wasn't afraid of Rod, but this time, Matt was involved. He summoned his courage, praying his emotions didn't betray him this time.

"No, I was merely giving her a tour of my room," Mello stated calmly, "And you disrupted us." Rod hummed as he considered Mello's words. Mello was sure he'd believe him, until one man whispered in Rod's ear. Mello cursed. That man was Rod's right-hand boy. Rod glared at Mello again.

"So, you little turd, you was lying to me, huh?" Rod asked, and when Mello gave him a questioning glance, he grinned and said, "We had Jack do some research on _Mattina_. There ain't anyone named Mattina Jeevisa in the system, but there _is_ someone named _Mail Jeevas_, who goes by the name Matt. We was smart and put two and two together. We didn't wanna believe it, 'cause Mattina is such a pretty girl, but we know now. You lied to me, boy. Guess what happens to incompetent asswipes." Mello's face went white now. He hadn't expected the mafia to be able to make the connection, or to log onto Wammy's Web, but they obviously had. Matt looked at Mello. Then, he turned to Rod.

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about!" he cried in his girlish voice, "I _am_ Mattina Jeevi..."

"_SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE WHORE!_" Rod boomed, slamming his fist into the wall, destroying a decent chunk of it, "I don't enjoy being lied to, so now you both get to die. Miller, lock the damn door and tell Eddy to guard the back entrance. We're gonna have us a bloodbath." Matt froze, and was quite sure that if they didn't do something soon, he'd collapse. He looked at Mello, who nodded and threw open the door. Rod aimed his gun.

"Come on, Matt!" Mello shouted, "_RUN!_" They moved not a second too soon. The gun went off, the bullet screeching into the wall where Mello had stood just seconds before. Mello grabbed Matt's wrist and they ran through the door, slamming and bolting it shut as another gunshot went off. They ran down the long hall toward a single window. With a nod from Mello, Matt took out a smoke bomb and threw it right out the window. It exploded, and they heard coughing as the bomb hit Eddy down below. They wasted no time. They jumped right out the window, ignoring the pain as the glass cut into them. They could mend themselves later. Right now, they had to escape. They hit pavement and ran onwards, hearing shouts from above as Rod Ross made it to the window they'd been in front of just a minute before. And soon, they were gone. Rod couldn't believe it. He lost both a pretty girl, and his best hitman in five minutes. He roared angrily, cursing at Mello and making threats to no one in particular.

"Boss, what do we do?" came Jack's nervous voice, "Mello's long gone now! Do we go after him?" For a moment, Rod didn't speak. Jack looked questioningly at his boss, wondering if Rod was so angry that he went deaf. Then, slowly, a wicked grin formed across the mafia's boss. No, Mello didn't deserve to die from their esteemed hands. At least, not directly. Besides, he had something much worse that could make Mello suffer for _weeks_, if Rod deemed it so. He turned just ever so slightly.

"Jack, what did you say you saw over Mello's head, when you got them Shinigami eyes?" he asked calmly, which was never a good sign. Jack blinked, his lips thinned in nervousness.

"I think the name was Mihael Keehl. Why?" Jack asked. Rod's grin merely grew.

"Perfect. Write down that name, along with Mail Jeevas," Rod told him, "Put whatever death you want them to have in the notebook. Just make sure you write them down. _Now_." Jack nodded and ran out of the hall, through Mello's room, and down the stairs to where the notebook was. Five minutes later, Rod grinned as he heard two screams that he recognized; Matt and Mello. Jack had pulled through for him again, and what the two boys said next was proof of it.

"_MY CIGARETTES... CAUGHT... IN THROAT... CAN'T BREATHE!_" Matt wheezed, as Mello screamed in agony, "_WHY IS A PRIEST HERE, THROWING HOLY WATER OUT THE DAMN WINDOW!? _...._DAMN IT, IT BURNS!_" Rod's grin simply widened again. Finally, he'd gotten his revenge. Mello was dead now, and he didn't have to take orders from, in his mind, a brat, barely a man. Revenge was sweet. Except that now, he was out one hell of a gunner. But he just shrugged. And he went back inside, not even noticing that Mello's ghost was right there, glaring at his retreating back. And chances were, he'd never notice. It'd suck to be him once Mello decided it time to haunt him.

----------------------------------(End Story)

And so, Matt was finally reunited with Mello after four long years! It's just too bad they died ten minutes later. I originally wrote this because I wanted to see how it'd go if Matt actually crossdressed in order to find Mello, and I think it came out well. I loved giving Linda a role, because I always wanted her to have a bigger impact than she had in the manga, or at all. Near was just comic relief. So, here it is, the end result of my work! I hope you like it, so click that Review button!


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